Metamorphoses
by Jananae
Summary: Some changes don't happen without struggle. Tony and Ziva reflect on a life-altering moment. Tiva. Three-parter now complete.
1. Signals of Change

**A/N—It's been far too long since I've last written a piece. So what better way to celebrate The Hiatus than to write my longest story yet? This is, more-or-less, a reflection on Season 9 and the developments that it brought. This piece is inspired by and laid-out around the idea of a caterpillar's transformation into a butterfly, so I hope you guys like the concept. As I said in the description, this is a planned three-parter, so expect the entire story to be posted over the next few days. Enjoy :)**

The sky above was a vibrant blue, no clouds obscuring it. A blank canvas. To the families in the park, it promised a day of uninterrupted play. To Tony, the crowds just made him nervous. The more people present, the higher the possibility of collateral damage.

His eyes and the eyes of his teammates raked from person to person, searching for the one they came here for.

"Got 'im!" Tony announced. He spotted their suspect walking through a grassy area on the perimeter of the park, close, but still safely away from civilians. Fortunately, he didn't see them and continued his circuit, his eyes focused on the park.

"I don't wanna cause a panic and spook him. Let's circle around, try and come up behind him," Gibbs dictated, noting the trees that stood near the suspect. Tony discretely drew his weapon and followed his team in a circuitous route around to the trees, all-the-while keeping his eyes on both the suspect and the people moving about.

As they entered the small wooded area, they slowed their walking to quiet their steps, the snapping twigs and rustling leaves announcing their presence. Through the trees, Tony saw the suspect's back toward them, walking at a slow, almost leisurely pace.

Drawing almost parallel with him, the team stepped out, guns leveled on his back.

"NCIS! Lie down on the ground!" Gibbs ordered. The man stopped his walk and simply stood there, his eyes focused on some point in the distance. "I said lie down! Hands on your head!" he repeated.

At that point, Tony heard someone scream, his attention diverting back to the people in the park. A number of them were looking in their direction, some pointing, others running from the area.

Suddenly, the deafening sound of guns going off reverberated through him. His head whipping around, he stood for a second, confused as to what just happened. The suspect fell to the ground, a gun by his side. Tony looked numbly at his own weapon, now hanging by his side.

His gun dropped from his hand, his fingers feebly moving up his torso to probe at the ragged hole that wasn't there just a moment before.

Surprised, he thought,_ Huh. That's a lot of red._

The world upended itself, the trees flew past, the shock of the blue sky filled his field of vision.

He vaguely remembered someone screaming his name as he fell into darkness.

**A/N—Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment, criticize, or review. As I noted, this is a three-parter, so expect to see the next chapter tomorrow. Until then, happy reading!**


	2. Cocoon State

**A/N—This chapter delves into some concepts that I've never explored before, so it was interesting trying to balance everything in this section without pushing some things too far. Regardless of how successful that balancing act was, I hope you enjoy :)**

Tony opened his eyes and found he could not see. Or, rather, he _could_ see, just that there was nothing distinguishably visible; everything was inky blackness every way he turned. He began to tentatively move forward until he realized he didn't know where he was going. He stopped and spun in circles, feeling lost.

"I don't know where I am," he said to himself plainly. Confused, he spun around again and found himself face-to-face with a young girl. He jumped back, briefly startled by her sudden appearance. Only about six-years-old, she, however, didn't seem particularly fazed by his presence. On the contrary, she observed him curiously as he caught his breath. She had light brown, unruly curls that she constantly fought to keep out of her eyes, strange seas of deep green with the slightest of brown speckles.

"Are you lost?" she inquired.

"Y-yeah...I think I am," Tony answered slowly.

"It's okay. I can help you," she said with a smile as she walked toward him. She grasped his hand and started pulling him forward. To where, Tony couldn't tell; everywhere he looked still seemed to be indistinguishable darkness. The girl, however, seemed to know where she was going, so Tony allowed her to guide him.

As they walked, he began to see a light appear somewhere in the distance. It seemed to still be quite a ways off, but it was apparently their destination.

Suddenly, an object solidified at Tony's feet. He stooped to pick it up, finding that it was his NCIS badge, pitted and scratched. It had obviously seen use, but it was proudly polished as it sat in his hand. He looked up at the girl who regarded him curiously again with those strange eyes.

He stood up without a word, and she grabbed his right hand, pulling him silently towards the as-yet indescribable place in the distance, its light leading the way.

As they walked, Tony began to make out shapes that seemed to solidify out of the darkness. To his left appeared the NCIS bullpen, floating in the black. He watched it pass by without objection as the girl continued to pull him forward. Shortly after, Gibbs' basement materialized out of the ink. Again, it floated by as they left it behind; the girl seemed determined to reach wherever it was they were going.

Eventually, they arrived at their destination, a bright wall of light. It had a soft glow about it, not too bright that Tony couldn't observe it directly. He looked down at the girl, confused. He thought, _I don't know what to do._

Even though he did not voice this aloud, she smiled and pulled him forward into the brightness. Tony suddenly closed his eyes as the light blinded him, but he kept hold of the girl's hand, depending on her to guide his way.

Without warning, the bright disappeared from behind his eyelids and was replaced by a softer, almost dancing light. He slowly opened his eyes and found he was standing in an unfamiliar living room, sunset light filtering through a tree just outside the bay window, bathing the room in a warm, orange fire.

As the girl laid eyes on the space, she smiled and ran off.

"Wait!" Tony called after her, unsure of what else to say. Tony stood nonplussed, taking in his surroundings. The room around him contained some bizarre attributes; a number of objects appeared solid, while others seemed to be blurred and indiscernible.

He walked silently to a shelf and examined the books sitting on it. He picked one up, feeling the solidness of it, the dryness of its pages. He replaced it and focused his attention on a blurry picture frame sitting just next to it. He made to grasp for it, but it evaporated into smoke in his hands. As his hand retreated, the frame reformed to its original undetailed state.

Tony slowly turned to observe the room at large once more and found that, despite the blurred oddities, there was something strangely comforting about a place he'd never been before.

Suddenly, he heard the little girl talking excitedly outside. He walked over to the window and looked out onto the green lawn. He smiled as he saw her stooped down in the grass, balancing on her toes, her hands supporting her chin as she observed something that he could not see. A woman with her back to him laughed, sitting across from her. As she talked, the girl listened with rapt attention.

Her voice was familiar. Why couldn't he place it? Her dark hair cascaded down her back in the soft glow of the end of the day, and he was certain he knew this woman, even if he couldn't put a name to her.

Tony stepped away from the window and looked to his left, finding a hallway that he hadn't noticed before; he followed it briefly to a door that led outside to the yard. Opening it, he instantly felt the warmth of the sun on his skin.

As he stood just outside the door, the girl saw him and a wide grin spread across her face as she jumped up and ran to him. Tony allowed her to grab his hand again as she pulled him toward the woman, saying excitedly, "Mama was just showing me something really cool!"

As Tony came level with the woman, she said in a slight accent, "I was showing her a butterfly. We have had so many of them around here recently." He looked into the grass and saw the insect balanced on a single bloom, its delicate blue and purple wings quivering slightly. Tony returned his attention to the woman, her back to him still. No matter which way he moved, he couldn't seem to get a look at her face.

"Mama was saying that they first start out as caterpillars. And then they make a cocoon to sleep in. And then they grow wings and become butterflies!" she proclaimed wide-eyed as she spread her arms for effect. When Tony said nothing, she looked at him expectantly.

"Yeah...that's really something, isn't it?" he said slowly as he knelt next to the woman, looking at the butterfly again.

"Mama says it goes through a metamorsis," she told Tony emphatically. The woman laughed slightly and corrected, "'Metamorphosis'."

"Yes! That's what I meant," the girl exclaimed. She said it in such a way, so similar to someone else he knew, it caught Tony off-guard.

"Why isn't it just born a butterfly?" she continues. "How come it's a caterpillar first?" Even though Tony couldn't see her face, he could tell the woman was smiling when she replied, "Because some things must go through a transformation to become better and more beautiful." The girl regarded the butterfly for a moment, then nodded and smiled in understanding.

She suddenly jumped up and said excitedly, "I wanna draw it before it flies away! I'll be right back!" She quickly spun around and returned to the house.

In the silence that followed the girl's departure, Tony sat down in the grass beside the woman who's features he still could not discern. As they both watched the butterfly slowly flap its wings, Tony said quietly, "Transformation, huh?"

"The act itself can be just as beautiful as the outcome, yes?" the woman inquired just as quietly.

"It can be both hard and painful though. Don't you think?"

"That is true. But do you not think that makes the change that much more miraculous?" she questioned. She reached to hold his left hand and uncurled his fingers from the badge that still rested in its confines. "Don't you think?" she asked again more quietly as Tony regarded the worn, metal surface. "Reaching what we want takes time and effort, sometimes more than we think we are possible of giving." The woman turned her attention back to the door as she said, "But the outcome is worth the pain and the wait."

And Tony realized he could then see the woman's face, a smile spread across it as she regarded the house. And it was a face he knew all-too-well. Her name was about to slip from his lips when he heard the girl reappear behind him, asking excitedly, "Is it still here?"

Tony turned back to the butterfly and realized it had taken flight. As it fluttered into the light of the setting sun, he suddenly became aware of the fact that it was now too bright, causing him to shield his eyes. As he felt himself yanked forward into the light, he heard a disappointed sound escape from the girl as she said, "It's flying away, Daddy!"

…

"He's back!"

Tony's eyes burst open in shock and pain. It took him a few breaths to realize what was happening. His view of the sharp blue sky was obscured by the men hovering over him, an oxygen mask covering his face.

He was vaguely aware of how his shirt was open, but more than anything, he couldn't ignore the piercing pain in his torso. And as he gritted his teeth and slammed his eyes shut, he remembered the guns, the shots, the bullet.

His breathing became shallow and quick as he opened his eyes, frantically searching for a familiar face, but finding none. He tried to speak, but only something garbled came from his iron-tasting mouth.

"Alright, let's get him outta here!" he heard one of the men shout; Tony realized he was on a stretcher as they lifted him from the ground.

He turned his head from side-to-side, searching in wild-eyed vain.

And then he saw them.

Gibbs and McGee were handcuffing the still-struggling suspect to a gurney behind an ambulance.

But not her. Ziva stood a short distance away, her arms crossed as she stared intently at Tony's face. His breathing calmed as their eyes met. In that moment, Ziva seemed to release a breath that she must have been holding, something else passing behind her eyes.

With all the strength he could muster, Tony barely raised his hand in a feeble wave. Ziva managed a small smile as she subtly returned the gesture.

The effort suddenly exhausting him, he dropped his head back onto the board and stared once more at the vibrant blue sky. As the inky black started to creep into his mind again, a butterfly floated into his shrinking field of vision. The sunlight struck its wings, intensifying its brilliant blues and purples.

As Tony shrank back into darkness, a smile crossed his face as he recalled a non-memory.

**A/N—Thanks again for taking the time to read. Feel free to comment, criticize, or review. Final chapter arrives tomorrow. Until then, happy reading!**


	3. Metamorphoses

**A/N—The third and final chapter to "Metamorphoses".**

She couldn't stop fidgeting, couldn't sit still. Ziva sat next to Abby in the waiting room, staring in the same direction as the rest of the team, resolutely focused on the doors leading to the OR. No one spoke, no one even moved. Except for her.

Ziva stood up, paced, sat down again. Waiting. She hated waiting. Ziva rested her elbows on her knees, tapped her leg, and watched the double doors. She looked down at her hands and saw dried blood underneath her fingernails. _I thought I had washed all of it off, _she thought vaguely.

Ziva closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands, recalling the images from just a few hours previous.

…

The people running from the area, parents snatching up their children as they tried to get as far from the standoff as possible. The suspect's back was still to them, but she could see his right hand twitching slightly as Gibbs barked at him to place his hands on his head and get down on the ground. She gripped her pistol tighter and focused her aim.

Everything else just happened in a blur. She saw him spin wildly as he grabbed for a gun at his waist. He let off a shot before two of their own bullets took him down, one in his left thigh, the other in his upper-right arm. He fell to the ground, dropping his weapon from the reflex of his injury.

They kept their guns leveled on him as they all moved forward. McGee pulled out his handcuffs as he reached the suspect and flipped him onto his stomach. He restrained the man, removed his gun. The adrenaline was subsiding. But someone was missing. She looked back, confused. What she saw stopped her cold, sending fear coursing through her.

Tony lay in the grass, blood seeping through his white shirt.

"Tony!" she yelled, rushing to his side. She pressed her hands firmly to his wound as Gibbs pulled out his phone and dialed an ambulance.

"Tony? Stay with us, Tony!" she said with no response from him. His eyes remained closed as the blood flowed beneath her fingers. A chill went down her spine as she recalled a similar instance from years past when she was in the same position with Michael Rivkin.

He'd died that day. What was preventing Tony from reaching the same fate?

Her thoughts raced. Faster, faster, faster. Scenarios of what could happen. Probabilities of what would _likely_ happen. These did nothing but force her to press harder to his wound.

She didn't remove her hands until four minutes later when the paramedics arrived and ordered her aside. She obliged and melted into the background, all-the-while focusing intently on his unmoving features.

"He's not breathing!" one of them yelled. As they administered CPR, she reached for her necklace, absently feeling for the silver Star of David pendant. When the CPR failed and the defibrillator paddles came out, she closed her eyes tightly, uttering a silent prayer. _Please do not let him die. Please. Not him too.  
_

She continued this mantra for some time, trying to ignore the thumps of the machine that she hoped would save him. Until—

"He's back!"

Her eyes flew open, relief washing over her. However, the tension in her body refused to dissipate; the paramedics obscured her view of Tony's face, giving her fear footholds to cling to. So she folded her arms and waited with patience that she didn't even know she possessed. In that moment, she was only vaguely aware of the other ambulance behind her, the protests and strugglings of the suspect.

Finally, one of the men yelled, "Alright, let's get him outta here!" She saw them lift her partner from the ground and carry him toward the ambulance nearby. As one of the paramedics shifted, she saw Tony's head off the board, looking around, a frightened look across his face.

Then he saw her. She wasn't even aware she was holding her breath until the balloon deflated in her chest. She relaxed just a bit as her fears briefly abated. When he sent her a small wave, she felt hope surge through her.

As she waved back, Tony laid his head back and stopped moving again. The ambulance swallowed him, and the dread returned for its feast.

…

The creek of a door brought her back to the present and away from her recollections, her hands quickly falling from her face; a doctor exited the OR, grasping a clipboard. Everyone jumped up at once, waiting for the news they hoped to hear.

He raised his hands and said, "Agent DiNozzo is going to be fine." Sighs of relief and nervous laughter escaped from the team at the news. "He suffered major bleeding, but he'll make it," he announced with a smile.

Abby threw her arms around Ziva, hugging her tightly as she released a slow, shaky breath. She weakly returned the hug, the words from the doctor strangely muted as he continued speaking.

After he returned to the double doors, Ziva extricated herself from Abby's embrace, saying quietly, "I will be back in a few minutes." She turned away, walking briskly down the nearest hallway, searching for some place private.

She stepped into the first one she saw, a Men's room, and locked the door behind her. Ziva slowly slid to the floor, alleviation easing through her as she closed her eyes.

"_Todah La'el! Todah La'el!_"* she whispered over and over.

…

She sat on a park bench, quietly observing the people playing and running about. There were markedly fewer families than there were over a week ago, a fact Ziva attributed to the stigma of so recently being the location of a shooting.

She looked across the park, taking in the trees and the area where Tony was shot. A couple days ago, the police tape was finally removed, and everything looked exactly as a park should look like. But no one went near the trees. In fact, by her observation, the vast majority of the people limited themselves to her side of the park.

This thought continued to occupy her until she heard someone come up behind her and say, "After checking at NCIS, Gibbs' place, and your apartment, I figured I might find you here." Ziva whipped to the side as Tony walked around the bench.

"I suppose my haunts are somewhat limited," she replied as he slowly lowered himself next to her on the bench. She couldn't help but notice his wince as he settled in. "You are out earlier," she stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

"After they found out I was planning a prison break, they said I was recovering faster than they expected, and released me before I could cause any more dissension among the other inmates," he said in an equally straight voice. He flashed a grin as he said wistfully, "And I didn't even get to finish my tunnel." Ziva smiled as she heard the comment at the same moment she was observing a boy fervently digging a hole in the dirt not too far from them.

They sat in silence for a few moments, taking in the park's inhabitants as they went about their activities. Finally, Tony said quietly, "The sky's different."

Knowing what he was referring to, Ziva turned her gaze upward, the streaks of clouds glowing a soft orange as the sun neared its decent below the horizon. The view above them was a watercolor of pinks, oranges, and reds with the occasional blue and purple tones.

"_Everything_ looks a little different now," he continued. Ziva dropped her eyes back to Earth, looking at him once more. He, however, had his gaze on the families as they collected their belongings, beginning their trips home.

She focused her attention on the people as well, saying just as quietly, "That is very true."

"Who knew perspectives and priorities could...change so quickly?" Tony mused distantly. Ziva turned back, waiting for him to elaborate. "Or maybe the transitions were already in the works and...I just didn't notice them...I don't know," he ruminated, his eyes far away.

After a brief pause, Ziva said, "Sometimes we must...step back. Reevaluate. And...we see things we maybe already knew, but...refused to acknowledge."

Tony glanced over at Ziva as her gaze returned skyward. He opened his mouth as if to say something, then, struggling with himself, sighed and said nothing. His eyes roved upward again to the painting above them.

They sat without speaking until the last of the stragglers below hopped into cars or departed on foot.

"Well," Tony said, gasping slightly as he moved to his feet, "how about a movie? Those small TV screens in the hospital rooms are no way to watch a film." He held out his hand for her and continued with a soft grin, "My treat."

Ziva glanced at his hand for the briefest of moments before accepting his gesture. "Sounds like a date," she replied with a warm smile. As they walked to the parking lot, leaving the bench behind, two butterflies floated by in tandem, circling each other as they fluttered their way through the park.

*"_Todah La'el"—_Thank God

**A/N—Thank you so much for taking the time to read my first three-parter :) . Feel free to comment, criticize, or review. I hope you enjoyed the story, and until next time, happy reading!**


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